Just reach your hand out, and something will reach it back

And... that's what I was talking about. Mao, as I've judged, is a kind tsundere.
Like some guy said there to me: "reminds me of a certain someone..." and I was like. "Ouch" XD Well I do. Amongst all of the anime characters I've known, Mao is the one I can relate to the most. Let's tell Mao's story first.

Mao, has a childhood friend named Kouichi. And at the beginning of the story, she says that he's like a Younger Brother to her. Thus Kouichi in return calls her "Mao-neechan" cause he thinks the same way. She's a year older than him.

On the day of first day in school she bumps with her guy classmate who plays the saxophone. And later on the story, she hits it off with him. The guy's name is Kai. For me, it doesn't really seem like Mao really liked Kai, cause she always seem to be pre-occupied. On the other hand, Kouichi has a girl he likes, her name's Yumi.

Mao, became Kouichi's love consultant, and she helped him to make moves on Yumi so they can be a couple. Mao, loves into helping her friends about their love concerns, but doesn't have a lovelife herself.

Mao, who thinks of Kouichi as a younger brother, cheers on for him and Yumi. A martyr indeed. Mao is one of those, seductive, kind, tsundere character. Anyhow, Mao, rooted for Kouichi and Yumi till the end. Until she realizes her own feelings, breaks up with Kai, and tries her best to hide it from Kouichi. Though it's a little late that she realizes her feelings for him. It also happened that she told him her own feelings. Showing one of her Tsundere sides:

(Mao caught a fever after breaking up with Kai)
Kouichi: Mao-neechan... is something wrong?
Mao: It's nothing, leave me alone.
Kouichi: I heard you broke up with Kai-san.
(Mao looks surprised)
Kouichi: If you're sad because of that, tell me! I'll talk to Kai-s
Mao: Stop it!
Kouichi: B-but...
Mao: STOP IT! Because the one I like is you, Kouichi! Get out!

Tsundere like no? For those who doesn't now, Tsundere are characters who faces up a tough front, often hot headed but has a very soft side to them. After that, Kouichi became bother, but he still went into going out with Yumi. Until at the end of the story, like I mean it. THE END of the story, he realizes he was lying with himself, and the one he really loves is his Mao "neechan" and then proposes, she accepts him, and the end. With 2 kiss scenes.

Man, my story didn't go like that, but here goes mine. We're the seductive and funny type. XD Here's my most favourite Mao line.

(Mao, inside the shower, undressing)
Kouichi: Wait!
(opens the door and sees Mao undressing)
(Mao shrieks, Kouichi closes the door)
Mao: What? You pervert. Or... do you want to come inside with me?

<3333 Sometimes I do that too. In chats though. That scene never happened with me in real life. Well if ever it will, I might do that too, it'll be fun. XD but for me it's like this in chat.

Me: brb, bath
chatmate: alright enjoy!!
me: what? want to come with me?

Also, to those Kimikiss fans, and hate Mao, you're crap. That's all I can say. Mao regretted it a lot for not realizin her feelings earlier, and you're calling Mao, like she's some beyatch that she played with your hottie Kai, and then broke his heart blah blah. You're CRAP. C-R-A-P. Why am I insane with this? Because I love stories. I love novels. I love to write. And protecting a characters, character, is what a writer would do, if you are though.

Something like that. Anyhow, here's my share of story.
I was young, hmm 12? Not far I guess. Just 4 years ago. There's my childhood friend, let's hide him under the name... Dan. He's my childhood friend. 4 years go, we were being teased as to we look like a couple to them, but what would I know about those things by that time right? I was a late bloomer. When I was about to turn 13, Dan, suddenly left without notice, and I was frustrated, I got irritated. Was it because, the day before he left, he borrowed a Playstation 1 CD from me, and then disappeared? Or was it because I liked him and never knew?

After 4 years, a friend connected us again. And I met Dan again, though even it's just chatting. I realized. "So... all these years, I'm not falling in love seriously, cause... I like him? was that it?" After knowing that he had 2 Girlfriends already, actually hurt me a lot. But what can I do? I'm like part of his background. That time he said he doesn't have any girl he wants to know, and I was like "Go Go! you'll find one soon! Unlike me who doesn't have a Boyfriend." I was rooting for him.

4 years ago, he also liked a girl, and I helped him to get her, but he failed. Sad though. But I'm still a martyr. Now, I can actually tell him my feelings, it's not wrong, we're on a new decade now. But I think it's wrong. Holding onto feelings for a guy, in 4 years without noticing it, until... you talked with him again?

I wouldn't know what I'll do when I see him. What.. slap him? Cause he LEFT ME. Or... what. hug him? Cause I missed him? or, Kiss him cause, I love him what? I'm too young for this. I'm not thinking too much, it might just be that. It's my fantasies. Maybe.

I'm happy for Mao for she had her happy ending. While my ending isn't coming yet. I told myself, "If, Dan and I, were to become together, like get married, or become together then break up, I'll believe in, First Love never dies,"

But since, what I knew was he never did anything good but to chase girls. What good would it do me to be with him right? LOL

So yep, did you see the similarities? har har. I'm some other people's Love Consultant, But I don't have a lovelife myself.

Well, anyhow, if you know me, and doesn't believe me, or doesn't believe me at all. I want you to get your hopes up, and watch "kimikiss pure rouge" for more references. It's a unique anime, That I love-hated at.

Oh well, I shared you a piece of my mind. Do you mind?

So many bad lucks. Haven't they gotten the best of me? Or they would've gotten the best of me, once I've been seriously damaged?

October is the one. Right after May. October goes. Bad luck month. Yay <3. Are you interested in why? Not? Aww... that's too bad. I'm going to tell anyway, my bloggie is the only place that I can tell my feelings to. No one in this world would seriously listen to me with my problems. So Mr. Blog is my friend. Thanks for being there <3333333 Anyhow. Bad luck event 1, would be... dun dun dun dun~~ Dance Olympics. Dance Olympics held last October 22nd, 2008. We were short in time, and Me, and my other friends failed to dance for our first song "Cha Cha" with the song Angelina by Lou Bega. After the event, they said, that we really lacked time, but I guess, they are kind enough to be considerate of what I'm thinking about. My partner, danced there, ALONE. Alone.. alone.. he has good leadership. Very nice guy. But it feels like, when the teachers say that "Wow, so good with leadership you danced alone!" They always say it with my presence there. It hurts me a lot. =) our position is supposed to be like this:

On the "11" part, I should be there. Front Lines no? But yet I'm not.

To Tell you, we lost the contest, and this classmate tells me:
"You now, no blaming here alright? but, Kamille, it's your fault really, you were to engrossed in changing here, even went to the CR at the lobby to change, so you were late, and didn't get to dance," I feel so enraged. Such insensitivity. Doesn't he sense that I've been blaming myself already for our lost? And Can't even smile a REAL Smile while dancing the rest of the dances for that day? I answered him; "Didn't you know that I wanted to CRY SO BADLY, because I didn't get to DANCE?!" and he kept quiet. But no sorrys were heard. The nerve.

I've been stressed so much. Thinking about steps for this dance olympics. And this is what I get.

We're supposed to be dancing for 3 songs. Cha Cha, Swing and Waltz. I'm the leader for the Swing. ONLY the SWING.

But It happened, that I became a leader for the 3 SONGS all in ALL. But I was only assigned to SWING.

When we had a dry run. I accidentally changed the dance steps for the Cha Cha dance, and they were like complaining "(pertaining to the ORIGINAL Leader for Cha Cha), you should've danced, look at what happened, the dance steps were altered so much," So I was like "Sorry It was My Fault, I shouldn't have danced, I should've gave her (leader of Cha Cha) my partner, and stayed here inside the classroom,"

Oh Well, Like I've told to myself, I'm born to be blamed. <3

2nd Bad Luck would be,
When my PC broke. We had to change the Motherboard. Sadly it didn't have a "Parallel Port" and he Audio Driver isn't the same as well. Parallel Port is where you insert the Printer, and the Audio Driver is, I can't record any simple songs anymore. =) Like sing with the instrumental, and the like. Can't do that anymore.

My brother talked to me right now, and told me, it was a wrong idea for myself to do that, and there were more options than just to change the motherboard. But what I did, I became selfish, and only thought about fixing my PC ASAP. My Hard Drive was at stake too, reformatting for 4 times in a year. Too bad no? VERY BAD.

It's my fault, I was selfish. My whole life, I never had the right to think about myself. Thank you life.

The other would be, my mother asked me, "Why do you always have a scowl on your face?" I answered her, "Why? You want me to smile like a fool here and there?" My mother replied, "At least keep a calm expression, and not that scowl or a sad face all the time," And I told her, "I wouldn't be like this if it weren't for my sister," And she told me, "I thought you said, that you're fine with her now? That she's gotten a little kind?" And then our conversaton got cut off.

I wanted to tell her, "A child's personality is shaped at the childhood of a child," And I spent my childhood, in sorrow, sadness, and I grew up being stupid. Didn't know that Water isn't supposed to be called 'edible' but 'potable' instead. Grew, up that didn't know how to commute. Knowing only how to wash the dishes. Think about other's first before itself. Be kind like an angel, and is not thought the art of "turning people down", born to be blamed, a stupid lady. The day won't end if I weren' called 'stupid' just once. All the people who cares about me already passed away, my eldest brother, and my grandmother on my mother's side who took care of me while, my mother and father are at work. Am I next? LOL

My Mother and Father, always side with my sister, my sister manipulates my life, I have no freedom in my life. I wish to be free soon. Like a freebird. Woohoo. My Second Brother, is not here, either wise he doesn't care.

I give all of my thoughts through writing, I write all of my sadness and anger out. Growing with people back stabbing me, people disliking me, having no real friends, and having only friends who leaves me during my time of chaos.

I always give out the feeling of loving people even if I don't know them, but I've never felt the thing "being loved". Never had a boyfriend, men are intimidated with me.

They don't like rubbish women like me, who doesn't powder her face, doesn't fix her hair, and has no sense of fashion, adding to that, someone who doesn't regularly smile unless she talks.

I hate the side of me that my emotions are all not seen, because I grew up bottling up, not showin, and not letting anyone see it. So if I have a problem they won't see it. Cause no one's payin attention. <3.

I've been living my life with all this. So I'm asking you, "how does it feel like to smile naturally?" If you're someone who has seen me in pictures, can I ask you "Does my smile seem real?" "Does it come from the heart?" "Do you sense happiness?"

I might be a joyous person, and all this side I'm typing here is not a simple impersonation. This is real. Like I said "Blog you're my best friend, you're the only thing I can count on to, Thanks for being there."

Now why would I lie to my Best Friend? Right?

I've never cried in-front of people. Because those people who says, that if I need a shoulder to cry on, I can cry on them, never really appeared. Like never really. I get affected by things around me easily. Cause I grew up to be "Pay attention to everything around you!" So leaving that ability out, is something hard.

Won't there be the person coming to give me a hand and pull me out of this pit?

I've been having bad lucks, and now, my PC caught a zapchast trojan, for some unknown reason, I didn't go to any suspicious files, and I never knew letting a "zipped" file, "zipped" over night, will do me more anxieties.

My skin sickness has multiplied, I hope they would just get cured in a jiff. Lord my dear, I know I've been a bad kid, as a beginning for a new year. But Please, don't let me fall apart.

I want to do a lot of things this year, and right now, Bad luck is coming after me.

NO! I'm NOT giving up! It's just that, the constant bad lucks are somewhat pulling me down. During the previous  problem. *points below* I gave up on it, cause I realized that the situation is really wrong, and it's not the time, yet. I understand now.

But please, I really want to know the reason why, bad lucks are after me. If April ended. Will my bad luck chain end too?

No no, as I said, I'm NOT giving up, living and FIGHTING! I'm just curious and a bit hurt. I know, there are times I turned my back at you. But, all I know is, when I'm alone, you're the only one there for me right?

So please, :)

Anyway, sorry for my random rambling, it might be pointless for you, but it's a great big deal for me, for this to be read by you. Anyway, I'm all better now.

w00t! all hail! w00t!

I still have to copy my files, gehehehe, My computer's getting crowded again. =D

I met axel-nii from Crunchyroll, and he's a kind and sincere guy. I could definitely say that he's a good guy. Since he went out of his way to PM me and tell me he's interested in my stories who suck.

Because he was looking for a storywriter/script writer. And his chances didn't fail, he found me. I was glad that someone appreciates my works, and my talent for writing.

He informed me of a band too. A jpop/jrock band. He's looking for band members. So I volunteered to be a vocalist. The practice meeting place is in Makati. Kinda far from Muntinlupa, but who cares?

I asked my dad, and it turns out, he doesn't allow me to. So sad no? Well I guess I'd go for the .1% of going for it, when my mom comes home from Cagayan.

It's like; time is finding ways in stopping me into performing in-front of people. Maybe it's also for the purpose of, avoiding into breaking their eardrums. Because of my nasal, monotonous voice. I suck.

First year high school - I wanted to join the singing contest, but right at the last day of the auditions were I finally had the karaoke for the song I wanted to sing; I got a sore throat. A bad one, that my voice is totally corrupted. And it went on until the day of the contest.

Second Year high school - I got sick due to dyspepsia and wasn't able to audition.

Third year High school - I didn't even know that it was due that time. The auditions I mean.

and now this;

Nothing's been happening to my life, but only purely bad omens. My Skin sickness, my friend conflicts, my mentality, my KARA fandom, and my feelings. Everything is coming down.

My days of happiness and carefree-ness died down. What will happen to my life? I felt like, my world is going to crumble down, and BOOM! I'm out of this world.

I've been thinking "What if the world ends?" lately. Cause of my problems, but it hits me. "it's MY problem," so I was like "why am I thinking about the world?" how dumb of I.

and now my brother said No. So my chance of participating is .001% now.

so yeah, I was ranting. And right now, it should be okay, but I feel so bad.

I guess it isn't time then.

And by the way;

by the time you finished reading this. I'm crying buckets.

See ya.

READ AT YOUR FRIGGIN OWN RISK

---

Don't say I didn't warn you.

 

Because of a freakin' small reason, I'm turning into emo mode, and I'm so sorry about that really. -.-"

 

Minjoo sent me a link, with a video of KARA’s Han Seungyeon, dancing to So Nyuh Shi Dae’s Girls Generation. Knowing SNSD fans wishing how they wanted Seungyeon and Sunghee to be in SNSD hurts me a lot.

 

KARA, is like the perfect group I ever heard in performing, now that they lost their Lead Vocalist, for them; who aren’t really big fans, wishing those things to happen hurts me a lot.

 

It made me think, would be life be freaking normal and less emo if I never gotten into them? Would Minjoo be having to be freakin confused if I hadn’t been influenced by her?

 

I got into KARA because of their attitude, and music. They’re so awesome when they perform on stage. Let’s say SNSD has a lot more charisma and sex appeal, but I freakin go for Stage Presence, and Vocals during a live performance,

 

That’s why I’m with KARA right now. I’m like this aside from the reason that, my period came today. No, not at all. I would still feel this way, if ever.

 

KARA’s comeback is anticipated by Mid-May, with the two new members they are recruiting using UC Sing.

 

Auditions will end at May 5^th, and new members would be introduced on May 9^th, I’m kinda excited and hyped up with this.

 

But the reason with Sunghee without there, is so sad. KARA is an awesome group. And I had premonitions that they would do good this year. And be a somewhat successful. Sunghee will be returning next year, and they’ll go BOOM!

 

My premonitions are usually correct. I’m not boasting or anything. But who knows anyway? I’m still so darn sad.

 

It’s like;

Sunghee – Will bring power and energy

Gyuri – passing it around with her motherly figure and kind, soothing voice,

Nicole – rapping and re-telling as if, it was a great big novel.

Seungyeon – ending it with a soothing, and loving voice.

 

Is how KARA is, they bring so much Harmony  to once life. Anyway,

---

My friend Shanine just IM-ed me, saying, our friend Lhang is mad, and totally gagged.

 

--

There was this story that Kathy, was mad at her, which I don’t know why and how this got to her. I don’t care at all.

 

I’m so Mentally disturbed, my emotions are hurt, and so is my heart.

 

And she’s freaking mad at us all. So senseless I may say, back stabbing and all the things cannot be helped.

 

And I’m so FREAKING PISSED OFF ALREADY ON HOW I GET COUNSELED ON TO MAKE US ALL GO TOGETHER AGAIN!

 

I’M SO FREAKIN’ DARN PISSED WITH ALL OF THIS! WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE SO UNDERSTANDING?! AND GET THIS ALL OVER WITHOUT ANYONE GETTING MAD AT ALL?!

 

THE TRUTH ALWAYS DARN HURTS, BUT WHY CAN’T WE HELP BUT FIGHT ALL THE TIME?!

 

IF YOU FREAKIN GUYS WANTED TO FIGHT, THEN DO SO! DON’T EVER GET INNOCENT, AND QUIET PEOPLE INTO IT.

 

SOMEONE TOLD US THIS, AND WE’RE FREAKING LISTENING TO THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE DARN DISTURBED AND SAD,

 

AND NOW YOU FREAKING ACCUSE US OF MAKING YOU LOOK DARN STUPID?!

 

You’re not the only person feeling that way in this world, don’t ever think that the world will end without you.

 

A lot of people in this world, are being deceived more than, how your lovely friends had deceived you, you were deceived for a great big reason.

 

Being plastic is a effing part of life, and no one can’t help but do that, in order not to bring up so much freaking fights at all.

 

And you can’t even freakin’ understand it?!

 

Your life might be sad and all, but you’re not freaking the saddest person in this world!! Don’t sick for darn attention, we all have equal amount of it.

 

I heard you were being treated badly at your house, and I want to help you out and make you out of this. And now, I’m in a mentally unstable condition, this is the FREAKING NEWS I DARN GET?!

 

The hell with all this!

 

THE HELL WITH YOU,

 

THE HELL WITH US!

 

THE HELL REALLY!

 

---

And with that, I’m still not freaking getting at the peak of my endless rant, and I want top cry.

 

I’m badly and drastically hurt, and my mind’s so freaking confused. I wanna stab everyone and go die. -.-“

 

This life freakin… is so filled with bad luck.

 

In the middle of recovering from my skin sickness, my PC suddenly gets a Trojan virus, I had to reformat on a jiff, unable to save some of my freakin files, and with that, comes the problem and thought of my skin sickness coming back after the treatment had ended.

 

I thought everything will be good now, since I’ve had very bad luck since the beginning of THIS SUMMER! And now this?!

 

TO HELL WITH US ALL!

 

I want this endless bad luck to end… did I just draw a “very bad luck” fortune in a somewhere shrine?

Why do I have bad luck these days? Was it because I’ve been lucky the whole year last year? So I’ll be bad lucked all of 2008’s year?

 

I had good luck’s too, but all these bad luck is getting to me, and I’m becoming a little depressed, confused and stressed with all this.

 

Give me a break..

 

Let me rest…

I was so stupid to umm.. actually forgot my password. Since livejournal is one of sites where they request you to have at least numbers in your password, so I naturally forgot it. XD A greeting.

Happy One Year Anniversary KARA!!

So yeah, I'm supposed to make an entry on March 29th, but I don't really have the time to figure out my password, and the email I used for here. yeah that's it. T.T I'm making two entries today since, I'll be leaving soon, my friend's birthday is today. so yeah. =)
----
To tell you the truth, I might pull out of my internet hobbies, and start working, we're getting poor, and my internet subscriber might cut down my internet, so, I'll miss you guys, I will really... T.T

(highlight)
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!
----

I wanted to try that for once. >D >D so anyways.... Later!

Today, I woke up at 8:15am, picked up my Nintendo DS Lite, and played 'Cooking Mama 2' after a while I got bored and went out of the room, after plugging my cellphone, my DS and my other cellphone for battery charging. While my cellphone says "Alien Battery Charging" LOL.

And yesterday, someone knocked on the door, since I'm in our room, I got up from the computer chair, and walked, but my knee hits a steel stand of my sister's bed, I tripped, and my eyeglasses almost broke, I slammed on to the room's door. LOL, I was such a SEUNGYEON yesterday, XD I remembered when Seungyeon tripped. Seungyeon is such a clumsy <3, clumsy people are such a turn on to Japanese people, hahahaha!

Well oh well~ Till then <33333

じゃまったね～

Haejin -ah

READ AT YOUR RISK!

Since I was left here in the house for like 12 hours, oh yeah~ half a day, I truly think now that people here in this house doesn't freakin care about me, how I love it.

I thought relationship is getting closer, but I failed, it's not, I thought that everyone is starting to be kind to me I guess that's a big fat lie.

I have like couple of nicknames now:
Stupid
Fool
Someone who has no common sense,
Kill Joy
No value
Fugly
Fat
Etc, more to come,

How happy of mine aren't I?

All from my sister, credits to her *clap*clap* such beautiful nicknames right?

She's often kind to me, but I wonder if all of those are just an act. This thing still goes on for like 7 years, and more years to come, How I love it, I freakin wanna move out of this house and take ALL of my possession's with me, including this PC.

There's like no love revolving.. If you ask me if who I love more, My dad or my Mom

None,

I value both of them, but, yes None. I dunno why, sorry,

I just, like don't feel it, you think I'm adopted? XD I think I do. Oh well, I don't feel something like a uber -gotta-go-job-like-somethingy rant post. ^^

それはくるしいですね。。。いたむが。。。いたい　(It's painful, hurtful... ouch)
はい、これわたくさんです。。。あたしのぞむのなく。。。 (Yes, this much, that I want to cry.)

-Haejin-ah

Read at your own risk.

When I'm depressed, I turn into a, Philosophical monster, I answer questions straight out from mind, without thinking of the other person's feelings, but it still depends on the person, this chat is an example of that.

Example:
Classmate: What's our exam?
Me: trigo, pe,
Me: dunno the other one,
Classmate: second day?
me: dunno, ask yourself.

Aren't I so bad?

I wanna rant a lot, aside from saying that I'm having mood swings, I'm currently depressed because, I'm not so myself, I'm so pissed, and depressed, I wanna kill someone, I wanna hurt myself, yes that badly. I want to find the real, real, real, real, reason why I'm so darn depressed, and I think I've found it now.

I actually found that, I've got no one to lean on too,

Kara's I'll be there lyrics:
Close your eyes and lean on me,
When you feel afraid,
When you lose your way,
Close your eyes and lean on me,
my love
I will be there for you.

I wonder, who would ever do this for me. I'm always there for my friends, but none of them really, actually noticed, what's truly wrong with me, one reason would be that, they are used to me, of being always happy, and not having worries at all. I don't show that much of a sad expression, and I'm not open with my true feelings, If you read the stories I write, you could actually feel my feelings when the story flows.

It's the only way, the only where I could not hide my feelings, my stories, my poems, the way I talk, they reveal all about me. If you wanna try it, read one of my fanfic chapters, and analyze it, during on those A/N:'s hides a simple message saying, "I'm sad that, no one understands my situation,"

Have you been on a situation where, you've had tons of friends, you THOUGHT you did, but I guess you THOUGHT, well yeah, just THOUGHT of it, I've been betrayed by a lot of my friends. During a lot of occasions and I'm tired of, forgiving them, for breaking a lot of promises for me. I'm tired of being so, kind already.

Example:
me: Ya! ON Saturday 8am, and on Sunday 1pm, please come.
Cousins: Yes, Saturday *excited*
-- actual day
me: It's 10am, no one, 1pm no one,
-- the next day
me: 3pm no one,
me: I feel so hurt, if they won't come, they shouldn't have made me, have so MUCH HIGH HOPES, of them helping me, I guess it never works this way right?

I so, want to do a LOT that day, with them, since it's been a long time since we've had such a joyful day, but it just made my heart broken, truly, promises are so important for me, so if for you, promises are made to be broken, please, don't make a promise to me, or else you'll broke something more aside than your promise.

I easily trust people, makes me vulnerable, because I want my life to be doubtless, and happy. But this situation made me think twice,

"I had no friends really,"

"I don't have them from the start,"

"But for me, they are important, oh well, if I'm in this world, to have this purpose, I shall bear with it, my whole life,"

How long have I been bearing this situation? Ever since I'm 12? When I turned 13? WHEN? I can't remember it's been long.

I somehow, envy those, who're close to their family, Mother only, Father Only, sibling/s only, It doesn't matter, what matters is that you're close with them, I'm not, I once told my mom, "It's your fault I'm like this, because of work, you don't give me the amount of attention I need," and she answered me back, "What do you want us to do? Stop working and give you more attention?" I so, want to hit someone, that time, I REALLY REALLY, want to, is Money this important to them?

oh well, I guess it's my destiny to have things like this right? I thank you for you reading this, means, you're concerned for me, I so wanna cry now, I so, want someone beside me right now.

あんたのておのばす、あたしわできない。。。 (Your hand, I can't reach it...)
あんたのかたは、かすして。。。おねがいで。。。とたつけてくら。。あたしもう、(lend me your shoulder, please, and help me..)

Super emo post, Sorry,

- haejin ah

My very first friend in Livejournal knows why, <3.

But for some reason, for this day, we should be happy, but in a way, it turned out we're both depressed on this day. Well I am, I am depressed yes.

Aside from the reason that I'm having mood swings (yes it's my day today T_T) I'm really depressed today, looking back at things, and a pile to that would be that school starts again tomorrow.

For some reason, I feel so hurt, I feel so bad. It's so bad I wanna sleep it wash away. I don't wanna eat even if I feel like I'm going to go down because of hunger, I don't care, I know that just, I'm depressed, that's all I can feel.

In a way that, everything made me look back at things I don't want to see anymore. Haaa... Today I posted some pictures of Sunghee I stalked down on her Cyworld, LOL, yes I'm still KARA-ing my days, my day won't end without seeing KARA, or just at least hearing on of their songs.

Oh well. =D

あたしは。。。ひとりできた。。。さびしいたくないね。。 [I'm alone, It's lonely]
このひは、ただひは。。。T_T [Today, just this day,]

^ all this are like, my recap of my Japanese, I kind of lose them in a way, because I've been pre-occupied by Korean, XD oh well, no Kanji today, =D

~ hae-jin ah

I left my dearest Seung-yeon/Sunghee Jr. last night to meet my cousins this morning, but they, didn't come. -.-" How unforgivable of mine to leave my dearest. T_T, and then it ended up that they never came. Tch, we were supposed to make our Kara Debut Anniversarty gift. Oh well,

I slept for like an hour and half, in our living because I had to wake up early for my oh-so-kind cousins. I don't stop trusting them. One time we had to dance for a birthday party, It was a sunday, it's my sister's interview day for her OJT, but look, I didn't come with her to just practice my cousins, but guess what, they didn't come again. I don't stop on trusting them to make it in our meetings, but they've done this to me twice already. it's yes, I dragged them to do this, but I didn't force them to join, if they really didn't want we wouldn't have done it, I won't be hoping here.

But they made me hope for nothing for like 2 - 3 times already. This time the reason why they didn't come, I don't know, but the last two times were, because they went to a computer shop to go online, and even IM-ed me. -.-" Maybe they thought I would take it as a joke, but I got mad at them and went to our house to say sorry, oh well.

Nuff said, I was getting oh-so-addictive with KARA as usual, hahah! I'm gonna finish writing my fanfic's Chapter 3 later and post it up in Karabloom. I'm really happy how my fanfic get's feedbacks despite Kara's I mean Kira's hiatus for the moment I can't wait for their comeback~ <3.

And right now, I'm making myself a fan of SNSD (So Nyuh Shi Dae) AKA 9 cute mini Kwon BoA. hahaha!! My favourite would be Jessica and Taeyeon <3.

Anyways, I'll end it here for the meantime, enjoy your time clicking the links I posted up on my post there.

あなたの約束するだ。。(You promised)
でも、あたしの心が。。こわれたになる、ほんとうに。。。(but my heart became broken.)

~ Haejin-ah

For once in my life, I actually posted on my LJ account. I have another one, I abandoned it, so it's dead for short. I don't even remember the link, but I think it was something like BoAsarangBrian, chever. I used it to comment on Avii's entries. XD

Well, I just thought of creating one, and actually updating it, for no reason, and maybe one reason's Minjoo, oh well. hahaha!! I'll post more later, my eyes hurt. @.@

<3,
haejin ah. =P